.02 Marriage Matters
Updated: Sep 18, 2019
Integrity. One of the most critical aspects of marriage & often can be one of the most difficult to live out. Seemingly harmless situations that threaten the most important relationship of your life.. (apart from Jesus) What I want to talk about today, isn’t easy. It definitely strikes a nerve with people.. so I want you to know that I’m sharing it because it has been really good for my marriage and my walk with the Lord. I have a lot of people ask me why I use a flip phone. For starters, the phone itself is worth about $25 & my monthly bill is $30 LOL. Phones don’t tend to make it long in my pocket!! That’s not the main reason why I choose to use a flip phone though.. Whether we want to see it or not, there are a lot of things on smart phones that get thrown in our face. For example, when you pull up YouTube.. a lot of times there’s videos with women dressed provocatively that show up on the screen. You don’t even have to search for it. The search engine on Instagram .. a lot of times there’s pictures of immodestly dresses women there. SPAM friend requests on Facebook & Instagram or “suggested friends.” Snapchat.. you have the freedom to send an image that disappears. Even most smart phones in general come equipped with those “Private” or “Hidden” settings .. which can cause that much more temptation. I’ve been asked before if I’m just going to wear a blindfold all the time or been told that it just doesn’t bother most men. But personally, I know the danger of this temptation. The sad thing is, the more you see, the more it can numb your mind to the point where the things that should bother you, don’t bother you as much. Yet, the devil still uses that to affect your marriage. I realize, in our culture today .. a lot of things you can’t completely control, but the things that we can, we should get rid of. As men, we usually can’t erase the images that we see. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, it can interfere with the way we see our wives. It can cause us to compare & also have unrealistic expectations for our intimacy. We can’t downplay this stuff because it’s one of the three main tools of the devil .. the lust of the eyes. This isn’t an area we should have any room for compromise, but something we should take very seriously. The Bible stresses to us to FLEE from temptation. We can’t be oblivious to some of ways the devil is trying to attack our families. As men, we are the doorkeepers of our home. If the devil misleads the man, he can mislead the whole family. I want to respect my wife & honor the Lord in everything that I put in front of my eyes. Our wives shouldn’t feel like they are in competition with other women for our eyes. By looking at those things, we can put competitors into a game that we shouldn’t even be playing. If Satan can cause something to interfere with the intimacy of your marriage and how you see your wife, he’s already broken one of the strongest strands. Also, another woman’s beauty is not for you to admire. That’s for her husband or future husband. Even if my wife doesn’t see the things I can “hide”... God still sees that and I want to honor Him. If I have to delete my “history” or can’t give my wife full access to my phone at any time .. those are things I shouldn’t have. I’m not saying people are wrong for having a smart phone .. but I am saying we need to recognize our temptation & remove it. It wasn’t too many years ago, the things didn’t even exist .. so it’s really not something we can’t live without! I have Madi a smartphone & we do all social media stuff for the music together. She keeps up with the emails & messages & lets me know when I have something I need to take care of. This has worked great for our family for 8 years. It has benefited our marriage tremendously & taken a burden of temptation off of my shoulders. Personally, this is something GOD wanted me to do. In the past, I have had a smart phone for a short time, but I chose to stick with a flip phone! I wanted to be obedient in that & I have seen Him bless it. Hopefully this will help you set some of your own boundaries to help protect you marriage or future marriage as well! I understand phones do have some benefits, but how much sacrifice are we willing to make to have them? I want to strongly encourage you to PRAY & ask the Lord if this is something He would have for your family. For me, (Madi) ... for starters ... we could talk on this for a few years LOL!! But condensed somewhat .. I absolutely LOVE and am sooo thankful that Jeramy doesn’t have internet access in his pocket! Not that I don’t trust him, but I appreciate so much that he chooses to guard his eyes and honor me through that! It makes me so mad when I am online at how often junk comes across there! I know I don’t compare to those women and I am so thankful that Jeramy strives to keep his eyes only for me!! During our dating years, I learned integrity in a whole new way! I learned that curiosity can be a “cover word.” If I have something to delete or hide, it’s wrong & dishonoring to my husband and the Lord! I always teach my kids .. “sneaky gets a spanking”.. and the same should apply to anything and everything I do. I’ve carried the weight of guilt too many times before & I absolutely hate it. To have a pure heart before the Lord & know my thoughts and my eyes are pleasing to Him is a great blessing! We can’t be deceived .. the devil is always looking for a way to cause us to fall or justify sin. He wants us to belittle sin & makes Gods way look “overboard” or “extreme.” Where do our eyes go when another man walks by? Hopefully the other direction! If our husbands could see our every glance & thought.. they should be well pleased & honored by what they would find! Remember the woman of Proverbs 31. “The heart of her husband safely trusted her.” There is freedom in honesty & integrity!! May we always strive to be BLAMELESS!! Proverbs 13:6 says, “Righteousness guards him whose way is blameless, but wickedness overthrows the sinner.” We LOVE you all & earnestly desire to see all of God’s people loving their marriage & being a clear portrayal to the world of the relationship Jesus has with us as His church!! Please don’t feel like you are being judged or we think we know all or have it all together!! These are just tools that have challenged us & also brought healing to other marriages we have counseled as well!! (And for another day.. we don’t have TV either LOL That would kind of contradict not having a cell phone 😅 Not just for the shows, but the commercials alone were enough to lead us to that choice! We HAVE a TV, but we just have DVDs for the kids mostly! Besides, who could honestly hear or have time for a TV with all these kids around 🤣) God HATES sin. We have to be careful not to compromise holiness that we are called TO BE... for the sake of entertainment. We share this because people have asked us about these things over the years .. & it has strengthened our marriage as well as our walks with the Lord. One of the most valuable things we will ever have in life is our marriage. These things have helped us not just stay together .. but have a good, good marriage that we both cherish!